Saturday, December 30, 2006
Friday, December 29, 2006
Hey Ma, can we go see the hangin'?
So, Saddam is dead.
I have no problem with it.
At this point, what I gather from his execution is the realization that Western civilization isn't quite as 'civilized' as we'd like to believe.
When I was a kid, I thought it was horrible and barbaric that people would come to town to watch a hanging. Make sort of a holiday out of it.
Now here I am, waiting along with the rest of the world for the video of Saddam swinging to be released.
I haven't seen any combat. But the war on terror and internet coverage of it has made me harder. I've seen dozens of beheadings, burnt bodies being dragged through streets and hung from bridges, body parts strewn across the streets of Tel Aviv.
I gather I'm not alone. Fox News, running out of analysis and fresh news after the execution, has taken to running Iraqi atrocity clips behind their talking heads.
Give 'em the blood they demand, baby. If it bleeds it leads.
I have no problem with it.
At this point, what I gather from his execution is the realization that Western civilization isn't quite as 'civilized' as we'd like to believe.
When I was a kid, I thought it was horrible and barbaric that people would come to town to watch a hanging. Make sort of a holiday out of it.
Now here I am, waiting along with the rest of the world for the video of Saddam swinging to be released.
I haven't seen any combat. But the war on terror and internet coverage of it has made me harder. I've seen dozens of beheadings, burnt bodies being dragged through streets and hung from bridges, body parts strewn across the streets of Tel Aviv.
I gather I'm not alone. Fox News, running out of analysis and fresh news after the execution, has taken to running Iraqi atrocity clips behind their talking heads.
Give 'em the blood they demand, baby. If it bleeds it leads.
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Thursday, December 28, 2006
Red store, blue store; white store, Pooh store
That's my daughter's code for different places we shop.
Red: Target
Blue: WalMart
White: WinCo (grocery)
Pooh: Albertson's (grocery, named because of all the cartoon balloons they sell)
Yeah, it's a weak post. They can't all be gems. I could post about dirty diapers, since that's the bulk of my non-work hours, but you can read more and better about them on dooce.
Red: Target
Blue: WalMart
White: WinCo (grocery)
Pooh: Albertson's (grocery, named because of all the cartoon balloons they sell)
Yeah, it's a weak post. They can't all be gems. I could post about dirty diapers, since that's the bulk of my non-work hours, but you can read more and better about them on dooce.
Friday, December 22, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Mormons cover point spread in Las Vegas Bowl
Brigham Young University beat the Oregon Ducks like a drum tonight in the Las Vegas Bowl. They more than covered the point spread at a 38-8 final. It wasn't that close.
Irony: BYU was the best spread-covering team of the year in D1 college football. Their final game was the Las Vegas Bowl.
Maybe that's not so ironic. If I were in charge of the LV Bowl, I'd put the Coogs in there too, just as a 'thank you' for all that money they won me this year.
Bet the Mormons, fade the Irish and Trojans. That was the money formula this year.
Maybe I'll put up my bowl predictions.
Guess I won't be betting them, though.
Once again, Fuck You, Bill Frist.
Irony: BYU was the best spread-covering team of the year in D1 college football. Their final game was the Las Vegas Bowl.
Maybe that's not so ironic. If I were in charge of the LV Bowl, I'd put the Coogs in there too, just as a 'thank you' for all that money they won me this year.
Bet the Mormons, fade the Irish and Trojans. That was the money formula this year.
Maybe I'll put up my bowl predictions.
Guess I won't be betting them, though.
Once again, Fuck You, Bill Frist.
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Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Jacked Up!
Another round of civic duty in the can. I can do jury duty in my sleep, I've done it so many times now.
Today eleven of my fellow citizens and I sent a sixteen year-old kid up on seven counts of armed robbery. First degree, yo! Felony, dawg!
He, his brother and a couple of buds went on a little crime spree around St. Patrick's Day this year that featured jacking people at an ATM near their neighborhood. They did that two nights in a row. Then, they dropped by a party, took a laptop and a couple of katana swords from the hosts, and our boy waved their pistol just to punctuate the deal. After that they cruised around until the cops busted them with the stolen shit in the car. They weren't wearing the clothes they had on a few hours earlier at the ATM jacking. But d'oh! They left the clothes in the trunk. Not the brainiest armed robbers around.
One of the brahs had some gang tattooing on his face ID'ing him as a Norteño gang member.
(see artist's rendering of a Norteño... if this scenario happens to you, and the jacker has this shit on his face, I suggest you give it up, puto.)
I suspect our little robber was trying to gain entry into the 'club', as he was wearing the red colors and had the Mongolian haircut favored by some of the Northerners.
Well, now he gets to bang for real. For a few years, I imagine.
I can only hope he will use the time to educate himself, and make something positive come out of his life. He sure has made some bad decisions so far.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Holiday Card Deep Thought
Is it OK to send a Christmas card to a Jewish friend?
I mean a really 'Christmasy' card, with Jesus and Mary on it.
Well, that's what I did. I think it's all right, though, I put 'Happy Hanukkah!' on it and drew a menorah and a dreidel.
He's a good friend. He'll get my meaning, I think.
Plus, I saved a couple bucks that way. He should appreciate that.
Kidding, kidding, geez, don't get your panties in a wad. I kid because I love.
I mean a really 'Christmasy' card, with Jesus and Mary on it.
Well, that's what I did. I think it's all right, though, I put 'Happy Hanukkah!' on it and drew a menorah and a dreidel.
He's a good friend. He'll get my meaning, I think.
Plus, I saved a couple bucks that way. He should appreciate that.
Kidding, kidding, geez, don't get your panties in a wad. I kid because I love.
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Once a Degenerate....
...always a degenerate.
The trial I have sat jury duty for is now winding down after a very long, (in my opinion) idiotic process which will be outlined when I can do it without ending up in the hoosegow, as it wouldn't surprise me if somebody in Sacramento County's courthouse does nothing but search for blog entries about trials all day.
This means we got four hours to knock around downtown today, while the lawyers and judge wrangled over their various issues.
I spent part of the time hanging out at the California Capitol building. I'd never been before; and it seemed like a good place to dodge panhandlers and the permeating scent of human urine so prevalent in downtown Sacramento.
The Assembly Gallery was a fantastic place to sit and reflect, read the paper, and generally cool out. It was quiet and dignified... because the Assembly is out of session right now.
I then went to have a look at the rotunda. I gazed up into the dome and marvelled at the beautiful, ornate design of the ornamentation. I stood, at the heart of the largest, greatest, most diverse state in the Union, the seat of power of the world's fifth-largest economy. My thought?
"It looks like Belagio."
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Monday, December 11, 2006
LA LA recap
We spent a nice little weekend at dad-in-law's place in L.A. He and his wife cooed over the baby. His ex-wife cooed over the baby. His other ex-wife cooed over the baby. His house ranneth over with exes. He took it well. He's a good guy.
The ride back was beautiful. A little gray in the San Fernando Valley, then the sun burst out to light up the snow dusting the Grapevine.
After that it was the typical run up I-5 through the San Joaquin. We passed through several bands of rain. One made a spectacular rainbow that came down right on top of a hill. Ma and I turned blue trying to get the girl to look... she was too busy checking out high-tension line towers.
To her, though, that was some cool stuff. I gather that they use their 'cloud hands' to hold up the sky. That's why there's so many of them, it's a big sky. I just love that kid.
I'll never look at a power tower the same way again.
The ride back was beautiful. A little gray in the San Fernando Valley, then the sun burst out to light up the snow dusting the Grapevine.
After that it was the typical run up I-5 through the San Joaquin. We passed through several bands of rain. One made a spectacular rainbow that came down right on top of a hill. Ma and I turned blue trying to get the girl to look... she was too busy checking out high-tension line towers.
To her, though, that was some cool stuff. I gather that they use their 'cloud hands' to hold up the sky. That's why there's so many of them, it's a big sky. I just love that kid.
I'll never look at a power tower the same way again.
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Thursday, December 07, 2006
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Sympathy for Fidel
I was just looking over the news before heading to bed when a Yahoo headline caught my eye.
My instant pang of sympathy for an old enemy of These United States shows me that in the end, guy stuff transcends race, creed, color, or political persuasion.
"Ah, poor Fidel! Is something wrong with his dick?"
The headline:
My instant pang of sympathy for an old enemy of These United States shows me that in the end, guy stuff transcends race, creed, color, or political persuasion.
"Ah, poor Fidel! Is something wrong with his dick?"
The headline:
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Anorexia Among Unmarried Female Attorneys?
I noticed what I guess I'd have to call a cultural trend among the female attorneys at the courthouse today.
A large percentage of them are rail-thin. And single.
I wonder what the forces could be to create such a phenomenon? Are they sacrificing all for their careers? Including the health of their bodies? A shot at motherhood? Any sort of personal life? Do billable hours count for so much?
I couldn't decide if this broke down over certain disciplines of law. Was it confined to criminal defense counsel? Are civil law practitioners just as anorexic looking? What about prosecutors? They would be overworked in this age; and have those skinny Law and Order role models to boot.
Our DA in the trial is married and pregnant. A trend-breaker. I figure this is just about her last case for a while.
The Jolie-esque defense counsel fits right into the mold though. She's probably 5'8" and I'll bet goes 115 tops. Her lips make up a measurable percentage of her mass.
Oh, yeah. I came in right behind her this morning. Her boots set off the metal detector. She had to take them off and pass them through the X-ray.
I watched.
A large percentage of them are rail-thin. And single.
I wonder what the forces could be to create such a phenomenon? Are they sacrificing all for their careers? Including the health of their bodies? A shot at motherhood? Any sort of personal life? Do billable hours count for so much?
I couldn't decide if this broke down over certain disciplines of law. Was it confined to criminal defense counsel? Are civil law practitioners just as anorexic looking? What about prosecutors? They would be overworked in this age; and have those skinny Law and Order role models to boot.
Our DA in the trial is married and pregnant. A trend-breaker. I figure this is just about her last case for a while.
The Jolie-esque defense counsel fits right into the mold though. She's probably 5'8" and I'll bet goes 115 tops. Her lips make up a measurable percentage of her mass.
Oh, yeah. I came in right behind her this morning. Her boots set off the metal detector. She had to take them off and pass them through the X-ray.
I watched.
Monday, December 04, 2006
You can call me Ray, or you can call me Jay, or you can call me Juror Number Eleven
I'll be spending the next couple weeks doing my civic duty, passing judgment on one of my peers. Dammit!
I'm building an impressive jury resume. Nine years ago it was my duty and privilege to send a woman-murdering, child-slashing piece of human shit to Death Row. I keep a Google alert going to let me know when his time comes up.
Before that I'd done a one-day, in and out civil case over a rear-ender. No, no, a traffic accident. Sicko.
Now I'll be adding armed robbery and home invasion. Damn, I must have something they like. Or, both sides were out of dismissals. I think that was probably it. I've been dinged by the defense before. Once they hear I did a murder trial, I'm gone. Not so lucky this time.
Oh, well. At least I'll get to sleep at night for a while. And not on the job, but in a bed.
Also, the lead defense counsel bears a striking resemblance to Angelina Jolie in glasses.
So, like, things could be worse.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
'Tis the Season.... for Dead Salmon
Being an unusually nice December Sunday in NorCal, Ma and I decided to take the kids out. We've been walking along the American River lately. Tot the Elder has been wanting to get a little closer to the river action than the trail usually runs, though.
We, ah, don't tell Ma how close Dad lets her get to the river during the summer. Like, up to her knees...
I knew from bike rides where there was a section of trail that came down right to the water, at a parking area near Sunrise Ave. Park the car, unload kids, head down to the water at a spot where there were plenty of rocks for the young'un to throw...
There must have been a dozen rotting salmon corpses along that little section alone.
Ohhhhh, yeah... it's the time of year the stragglers and weaklings swim upstream to die, isn't it. The hardy were taken and bred at the hatchery weeks ago.
Ma was less than pleased, though Tot the Elder thought it was great, as kids will. They don't mind 'gnarly' one bit.
My take: "Hey, cycle of life, food for new fishies and gulls and stuff, y'know."
Ma's take: "Gah, this is like the Compton of the river."
Ending the outing on a more upbeat note, we stopped at the Nimbus hatchery to feed some stink bait to the live babies there. They were quite a bit more active than their ancestors downstream.
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Saturday, December 02, 2006
Razorbacks Lose Second Big Game in a Row!
Two big losses in a row. I place the blame squarely on the shoulders of Houston Dale Nutt.
Let Gus run the fucking offense next year.
That is, if he isn't at North Carolina running Butch Davis' offense.
You fucking idiot.
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Thursday, November 30, 2006
Jury duty II: Why did I go?
I reported bright and early to jury duty this morning.
I left this afternoon worn and frustrated.
I'm in the pool for a criminal trial, and they're not done sorting us out yet.
So, I get to report again Monday afternoon.
I hope to hell I get thrown out. I usually do, as soon as the defense learns that I've been on a death penalty murder trial. Today, I sat in the witness section all day, never got a chance to show off my criminal-bustin' chops.
There are only 16 people left in our pool. I hope they bring in some fresh talent Monday, or my ass is going to be going downtown every day until Christmas.
If that happens, I will vote to send that defendant to Soledad so fast it will make his head spin.
I left this afternoon worn and frustrated.
I'm in the pool for a criminal trial, and they're not done sorting us out yet.
So, I get to report again Monday afternoon.
I hope to hell I get thrown out. I usually do, as soon as the defense learns that I've been on a death penalty murder trial. Today, I sat in the witness section all day, never got a chance to show off my criminal-bustin' chops.
There are only 16 people left in our pool. I hope they bring in some fresh talent Monday, or my ass is going to be going downtown every day until Christmas.
If that happens, I will vote to send that defendant to Soledad so fast it will make his head spin.
Tags:
40 minutes of Hell redux
Ah, memories.
I remember when Arkansas Razorback basketball used to deliver 'Forty minutes of Hell'. That was Coach Nolan Richardson's description of the Hogs' playing style. Non-stop, pressure defense; combined with speedy offensive talent that could score off a turnover before half the opposing team even realized they had lost the ball.
Well, Forty minutes of Hell is back to bigtime D1 hoops. It's being delivered by former Richardson assistant Mike Anderson's Missouri Tigers.
And the Razorbacks just got it shoved up their ass on national television.
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Wednesday, November 29, 2006
I'm here, judge
Holy shit.
I went into the bill drawer to get a check before heading to work tonight, to find my jury summons envelope sitting right on top.
I was supposed to report in Monday.
Ah, crap.
Heart pounding, stomach plummeting, I logged on to the county jury website.
My group reports tomorrow morning.
Thanks, Jesus!
"Hello, work? Yeah, I won't be in tonight, I forgot I had jury duty tomorrow morning...."
I'm sure they bought it.
I went into the bill drawer to get a check before heading to work tonight, to find my jury summons envelope sitting right on top.
I was supposed to report in Monday.
Ah, crap.
Heart pounding, stomach plummeting, I logged on to the county jury website.
My group reports tomorrow morning.
Thanks, Jesus!
"Hello, work? Yeah, I won't be in tonight, I forgot I had jury duty tomorrow morning...."
I'm sure they bought it.
Their time is gonna come
I have been told that our family is not making the guerrilla Christmas run down to L.A. this weekend as originally planned. 'Guerrilla' meaning we do not plan to be there on Christmas Day, so we're going to sneak in and out over a weekend to show the new baby to Mama's folks.
That will leave me Saturday afternoon to watch my Razorbacks put a beatdown on the Florida Gators.
After the loss to LSU last week, hopefully our players and coaching staff have learned valuable lessons and devised new strategies to put into place at the SEC title game in my old stomping grounds of The ATL.
At last, at last. The time has come for us to finally whoop Gator ass. Mmmm, mmmm, gator tail. Good eatin'.
The Florida Gators.
Overrated since 1999.
Woooooooo, Pig, Soooooie!
That will leave me Saturday afternoon to watch my Razorbacks put a beatdown on the Florida Gators.
After the loss to LSU last week, hopefully our players and coaching staff have learned valuable lessons and devised new strategies to put into place at the SEC title game in my old stomping grounds of The ATL.
At last, at last. The time has come for us to finally whoop Gator ass. Mmmm, mmmm, gator tail. Good eatin'.
The Florida Gators.
Overrated since 1999.
Woooooooo, Pig, Soooooie!
Yes, Virginia, there are Geeks in the Ozarks
While roaming YouTube I happened across Misty and Bill, who are computer geeks making a living fixin' them Winders boxes, designing sites, doing Meta shit and generally branding in the Mountain Home Arkansas area.
Good for them, by God. I get bored as hell after about three hours in Mountain Home myself. Then again, my wife stays bored as hell here in Sacto, so I suppose it's all in your perspective.
Seriously, I wish them all the best. I wonder if their clients fully appreciate just how Web 2.0 savvy these two are.
I'm gonna have to call Mom and ask if she's heard of Twin Lakes Computer Magic. Just to see how well they have penetrated their brand around town. Shit, maybe I can enlist them to help me get her finally off that godawful WebTV.
Good for them, by God. I get bored as hell after about three hours in Mountain Home myself. Then again, my wife stays bored as hell here in Sacto, so I suppose it's all in your perspective.
Seriously, I wish them all the best. I wonder if their clients fully appreciate just how Web 2.0 savvy these two are.
I'm gonna have to call Mom and ask if she's heard of Twin Lakes Computer Magic. Just to see how well they have penetrated their brand around town. Shit, maybe I can enlist them to help me get her finally off that godawful WebTV.
Thursday, November 23, 2006
I Like 'Expectant Mother' Parking Spaces. You may fire when ready.
Well, it's slow at work here on a holiday morning. I'm finishing up my night shift and getting ready to roll out of here.
I've been using the time to vent my spleen at the NFL (see below) for holding football fans hostage to their fucking network by making the Chiefs/Broncos game tonight an NFL Network exclusive. I just wanted, if any NFL people were Googling around to gauge 'net opinion, them to see mine. I don't expect anybody to actually read it.
But, while updating my blogroll, I came across this post
that slams 'expectant mommy' parking spaces. I left a comment, still awaiting moderation at this time, pretty much tearing the author a new corn chute.
So, anybody wishing to voice an opinion on these sites, or the tenor of my comment to the Kitty, fire away. No comment will be moderated.
I support the decision of retailers to reserve spaces for pregnant customers if they so desire. My wife, through two pregnancies, had a hell of a time walking during the last few weeks of each. Those spaces would have been welcome and used, if they'd been popular around our neck of California.
But, NorCal is home to the Bay Area and the capitol of Breeder Hate. So, she walked. Oh well. We did our part to save child-free yuppies some time by not taking prime nearby parking slots.
I hope Social Security does belly up by the time the haters reach retirement age, so the haters won't have to be supported by the workforce now being created by the Breeders they dislike so greatly.
Fuck the haters! Fire away!
I've been using the time to vent my spleen at the NFL (see below) for holding football fans hostage to their fucking network by making the Chiefs/Broncos game tonight an NFL Network exclusive. I just wanted, if any NFL people were Googling around to gauge 'net opinion, them to see mine. I don't expect anybody to actually read it.
But, while updating my blogroll, I came across this post
that slams 'expectant mommy' parking spaces. I left a comment, still awaiting moderation at this time, pretty much tearing the author a new corn chute.
So, anybody wishing to voice an opinion on these sites, or the tenor of my comment to the Kitty, fire away. No comment will be moderated.
I support the decision of retailers to reserve spaces for pregnant customers if they so desire. My wife, through two pregnancies, had a hell of a time walking during the last few weeks of each. Those spaces would have been welcome and used, if they'd been popular around our neck of California.
But, NorCal is home to the Bay Area and the capitol of Breeder Hate. So, she walked. Oh well. We did our part to save child-free yuppies some time by not taking prime nearby parking slots.
I hope Social Security does belly up by the time the haters reach retirement age, so the haters won't have to be supported by the workforce now being created by the Breeders they dislike so greatly.
Fuck the haters! Fire away!
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